9/11 and second chances

I know this blog is mostly for me to vent about the careless man, but today holds a very personal place in my heart. Its the 9th anniversary of 9/11 and I want to share my thoughts, so for today, not another word will be said about the careless man.

9/11
Just two numbers- nine, eleven. Yet they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. 9 years ago today the world changed literally in one second, we went from a complacent and subdue people, to panic-stricken and shocked republic. Our entire world changed. Just. Like. That.

Nine years ago today I overslept for work. That NEVER happens. EVER. I pride myself on punctuality. If you know me, you know I abide by my mothers philosophy "If you're ten minutes early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. If you're late, don't bother", so the fact that I overslept is monumental. I was on the highway, rushing to get to work when they interrupted the song playing on the radio to announce that a plane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center buildings. I was sick to my stomach just thinking of how something like that could even happen. How does a pilot NOT see a huge building. And I knew the World Trade Center buildings were tall, but they weren't THAT tall where airplanes could accidentally crash into them. Thoughts raced through my mind and I knew something wasn't quite right. I just had that "feeling" in my gut that this was too obvious to be an accident. I started to pray. Thats all I could do to help. Pray.

When I arrived at work (I worked as a PCA for my cousin with disabilities, so my place of work is also my aunt and uncles house) the TV was already on. The news had interrupted the normal morning programming and in its place was the image of a plane flying directly into the first tower. Flames, black smoke, debris, broken windows, chaos. It was unbelievable. I kept thinking "How in the world are you such a crappy pilot you don't see a HUGE structure directly in front of you?" Then, out of nowhere, another plane came out of the blue and hit the other tower. We watched live as our terror doubled in a split-second. My aunt and I stood together, crying, in shock. It was crystal clear this was no accident. The gravity of the situation wasn't as immediate however. It was such a far-fetched concept that we, the United States of America, the strongest, richest, smartest country in the world had let our guard down. That we allowed this to happen. Clearly this was a choreographed maneuver by someone with the time and energy to outsmart us. And then the fear set in.

I just re-watched the footage of former President George W. Bush as he sat in front of a group little children at their school and read them a book. One of the president's aids walks up and whispers something in his ear. That was the moment the president first heard the news "America is under attack" and that the WTC's had been hit. Not just one tower, both towers. Deliberately. The look in his eye... They played it a few times and were close up on his eyes, and you can SEE the horror as the reality of what could and would happen next set in. He looked numb. I think each of us had the same look on our faces as we watched the footage in disbelief. I can't imagine anything more awful than to have to deal with than what GW did that day. Politics aside, I have to say this. Bush got a lot of flack from the media about 9/11 and the war that followed, but I have to say: we were safe. When 9/11 happened, I was SURE our world as we knew it was over. That I would have to live in fear that I might be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the next attack happened. That I would never again be able to leave my house without the fear of terrorism. But that never happened. Whatever our President and homeland security did from that day forward kept me safe. It kept you safe, it kept your family safe, it kept us ALL safe. Not a single terroristic attack anywhere CLOSE to what happened that day ever happened again. For that, I am eternally grateful. He restored my faith in my safety. My complacency even. I am happy being complacent, it means I am without fear of things that could happen. It means I trust my government to keep us safe and keep those that wish us harm, out of our way. Thank God, and GW. (In that order)

Anyway, enough political talk, back to the humanity. As my aunt and I stood aghast in front of the TV while my cousin, a small 7 year old boy at the time, played with his Legos, we were silent. What was there to say? And even if there were words, we wouldn't want to scare a little kid. Then, as if each of our greatest fears were coming to fruition, the first tower fell. Just when we literally thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. The tower crumbled into pieces as if it were a scene from a movie. Suddenly, there was just blue sky. What is usually a good omen, the bright blue of a clear, crisp, September morning sky, was instead the reminder of what had been there just seconds ago. A building, full of people, offices, copy machines, and chairs. It was all gone instantly.As though the earth somehow opened up and swallowed it whole. Every single story, just disappeared. All I could do was gasp, and keep crying. Quickly my aunt and I realized this was NYC, and my cousin attended NYU at the time. Was she safe? Was she ok? Had she called home? When we picked up the phone to call, it wasn't working. We couldn't call anyone, and they couldn't call us. The phone lines were jammed. The sickness of the situation set in further. I felt physically ill, like someone had punched me and spit on me. I was violated. Our whole country was violated. What gave these people the right to invade OUR country in such a horrible way? We still don't have many answers today. I honestly don't think there is a way for any of us to grasp what those hijackers were thinking- how brainwashed, gullible, and cowardly they each were, to do what they did. Dare I say they deserved their fate, but what about each person on each plane? What about the people in the buildings, minding their own business, going about their morning business as usual. Each person was someone's parent, sister, boss, mailman, friend, lover, cousin, ex-girlfirend, uncle, etc.... These were real people who too, will never go home again.

One of the thoughts that popped into my mind that day, one that has plagued me ever since is about chances. Every person on each airplane knew what was happening. They knew that hijackers had taken over the plane and were planning on killing them all. They knew they were never going to get off this flight. They weren't going to arrive at their "To" location printed on their boarding pass. For a short time, they were aware of their immediate demise, but they were given the gift of time. They had a second chance- some called home to tell their family that they loved them- their messages have been played again and again on the tv today. Heartbreaking messages from a loved one knowing this would be their legacy, their very last words to the ones they were about to leave behind. Some may have taken that time to examine their beliefs and pray to God, even if they hadn't before. Some may have even called out and for the first time asked for God to be in their life, care for them, care for their family, care for them in the afterlife. Some may have gone from atheist to Christian as their resolve was challenged to the core. Nothing will make you examine your existence like facing its end head-on. Some may have been in too much shock to do anything at all. But the fact remains: they ALL got a second chance. Now think of a man, standing at the copier on the 89th floor of the WTC, making photocopies for the morning meeting that he is late for. He looks down at his pressed white shirt only to see a new coffee stain that must have been there since he left his house this morning. He just knows this meeting isn't going to go well since he was already late and now he looks sloppy. The next moment, he is gone. A plane had, in an instant, plowed into the WTC he was standing in and just that quickly he was gone. Everyone sitting in the conference room waiting for him, checking their watches because they had other work to get to, all of them gone. The boss, the janitor, the man with the coffee stain, the woman celebrating her birthday. They were all gone. The man with the coffee stain- he wasn't given a second chance, a last-minute revelation that could potentially save his eternal soul. He didn't get to call home and tell his wife how much he loved her, tell his kids he is proud of them. One second he is making copies, the next second he is gone. No second chances. No time for contemplation or repentance. So this got me thinking, and to this day I still ponder this question; Why do some people get a second chance in life, and others don't? One answer I have settled on many times is that since I believe in God and I believe in heaven and hell, I believe we all get the choice in life to believe or not, then I have to assume that we all are given 2nd chances in life, its just that some are more obvious. While one man can see the hijackers take over their plane and take aim at NYC, another is simply opening his office door for the morning. Both of them gone the next moment. Its worth being said that its our free-will to decide what we put our faith in, if anything at all. I put my faith wholly into God, and I believe that I will go to heaven when I die. I also believe God is merciful, and would not punish someone by putting them in harms way like this- he isn't vengeful. So I have to think its part of His plan why some people on 9/11/01 got a second chance while others did not. I think its safe to say that this is OUR second chance- even though we are not on a hijacked plane. We have been given the gift of another day, and we have the amazing opportunity to take this day as our second chance and decide what we believe.

Thats what my faith is- its believing in God even amidst a tragedy such as this, believing He has a purpose for everything and this is all in His plan. I find comfort knowing my eternal life is safe with God and I need not fear eternity, because I know where I will be. I am lucky to have free will and I am blessed to know the truth. There is no one more capable of the duty of watching out for the lives of everyone on earth than God, so there is no need for me to worry and fret about life. Its all planned, and as a christian I consider myself one of the few that had the option of christianity presented to them at a young age and I was wise enough to accept it as my faith. Some people don't grow up the way I did, their parents may have never taken them to church, they may have had a hard life and many bad things may have happened to them and they have become jaded and have made the choice to believe there must be no God because their personal devastation is so overwhelming and all-encompassing. But everyday you hear stories of people who rise in such adversity, that may also have had a hard life, filled with problem after problem but they chose to believe in God, through the storm. Every single person is given a chance, and I believe we are even given a second chance. God WANTS us to choose him, to see the truth, but some people choose otherwise. Personally, I think that the hardest times are also the BEST times to reach out to God, rely on him. He is the Creator, Emmanuel- God with us. Meaning He is always here, whether we know it or not, and whether we want it or not. He created each of us for a purpose and I believe that through my faith I will fulfill my purpose, whatever that might be. For now, I take a deep breath, and continue to thank God for another day and be relieved I know my destiny.

Ok, now I have gotten all political and all religious. I did not expect this blog to be so long, but it turns out I had a lot to say. But who am I kidding? I always have a lot to say, lets be honest here. So I am going to resume my History Channel-athon and watch the 9/11 programming while thanking God for all the chances he has given me, and take a moment to pray for all that need a second chance. THIS is your second chance. Don't let it pass you by. Its too important to ignore, your eternity depends on it. Its your CHOICE, so make sure you are right. I am secure with my choice and even as I remember how uncertain I felt 9 years ago today, I also remember how on that day my first instinct was to pray to God. As long as prayer continues to be my knee-jerk reaction in dark times, I am comfortable with where I am at in life. So, its up to you to choose. You may not get a third chance.....

You're MY Little Girl

After all the negativity, I felt it necessary to throw this song in here because it got me through a lot of tough years in middle and high school- through my feeling so empty and forgotten as a daughter. It helps me remember who my REAL father is- my heavenly father and he will NEVER let me down or be careless with me. Its sung from the perspective of God to his daughter and how he understands the worldly mistakes parents make. This song still makes me cry. Its a capella and by a local Christian group that I have loved for, well YEARS!

And since its called "You're my little girl" I thought I would show you my little girl, Vixen. She is by my side as always as I blog and I love her so much. I just wanted you to see what a loyal baby I have. All together now "Awwwwwwww".

Go Fish "You're my little girl"

The ones you love they let you down
And I want you to know that I'm sorry
The choices that they made were wrong
You were caught in the middle and I'm sorry

So when the anger and the pain
Get the best of you
I know it seems like you're all alone
But I am feeling it too

'Cuz you're my little girl
You're the one that I created
No one in this world could ever be like you
When you're cryin' in the night
All you need to do is call me
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're my little girl

When you're lookin in the mirror
I hope you're likin' what you see
Because no matter what you're feelin'
You're perfect to me

Because I see you as a child
Blameless in my sight
Just spend some time with me
And I'll make everything alright

I know you don't deserve what you've been through
I know it doesn't seem fair
I know that there are times you think you're alone
But you've got to know that I will be there, be there

31-39

31. He didn't give me a birthday present. Not a GD thing. Gee, how can I ever say FU, I mean thank you....

32. He always has to be the center of attention, even if it isn't about him.

33. I just found out he most likely is not sober anymore. All the puzzle pieces are starting to fit together.

34. He keeps texting my MOM about how he misses me, yadda yadda. Yea right dude, she is TEAM JOLIE not team A**hole. Duh.

35. He never compliments me. Never has.

36. He got all up in arms when I told him about a guy I was dating (previously). WTF seriously? Its about 28 years too late for the "protective" vibe you loser.

37. I have been saving this one cuz it makes me LIVID to the core. I feel like an erupting volcano of hatred when I talk about it.... He had the AUDACITY to say he was going to attend KE's high school graduation ceremony because he "had every right to" ex-fu#&ing-cuse me? YOU HAVE PRECISELY NO RIGHT TO DO ANY SUCH THING. This is the exact moment I quit talking to him. He is lucky I was holding my dog as he started telling me this crap or I really truly would have hit him. I still kinda wanna give him a knuckle sandwich. WITH brass knuckles, thank you. Guess I should add them to my shopping list...

38. He made my sisters cry when I told them about #37. I do not lie to my sisters, I tell them the truth- the good, the bad, the ugly, and the utterly ABSURD (such as this). To see them cry actually rips the heart out of my chest and tears it into small bits. But could he give two sh*ts? Nope, cuz he "had every right", remember? Riiiiiight. EFF THAT.

39. He refused to help me tape up part of my bumper this winter that was falling off cuz I "am a big girl and can do it myself". Um excuse me, isn't that a fathers JOB? To deal with cars and such? Another red flag of his stupidity.

And with that, I give you one of the GREATEST "My dad sucks" songs by some guys who know what its like standing in my shoes. And guess what? Even after their fame and success, their dad still has no part in their lives. No shock there. Self-centered idiots NEVER get it I have decided. So Thank you Good Charlotte for being so badass to write this song and for giving me something to play with the volume all the way UP in my car and scream and cry as I do it. Thank you thank you thank you thank (Benji and Joel Madden, I am forever indebted)

Good Charlotte "Emotionless"

Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we’re alright
But we’re alright
We’re alright

It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive

The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take
To my grave
But I’m ok
I’m ok

It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And I’m still alive

Sometimes I forgive
Yeah, and this time
I’ll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you

It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive

And sometimes I forgive
This time I’ll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad

I found this AWESOME live performance of this song. Its incredible. Give it a watch. Get the kleenex...