Testing

This is my first EVER tweet from my phone so I wanted to make sure it works before I go to town blogging away!

You know my dog I told you about? Here she is. I thought she deserved some pictorial recognition.

So there you have it folks, my very first mobile blog.

* not sure how I underlined everything. Oops....

Reasons the Careless Man sucks, 1-30

1. He left my mom.

2. He left their mom (KK and KE).

3. He left me.

4. He left TR.

5. He left KE.

6. He left KK.

7. He chose drugs and drinking over a real life, real family.

8. He pretended like he wanted to part of this family, but only when it was convenient for him.

9. He thinks he is never wrong. Ever.

10. He treats others like they are below him (yea, right).

11. His new found "religion" has given him a false sense of righteousness which couldn't be further from the truth.

12. He never protected me. Or KE or KK or TR. Or our beautiful mothers. And we deserved and needed it.

13. He never taught me "father-daughter" things other than how to despise him.

14. He never follows though on his promises.

15. He thinks the world revolves around him and his needs. HOW ABOUT NO.

16. He taught me the one word I can count on is "goodbye", spoken or not its the one constant in our relationship.

17. He used to try to buy my love.

18. He has never treated TR with the love and respect he deserves as a man and as a son.

19. He has never truly earned my trust and I have never once felt comfortable with him.

20. He said he would come to my dance recital, never showed.

21. He said he would come to my choir concert, there was an empty seat the whole time.

22. I scored a goal at Mariucci arena. My whole family- cousins, aunts, uncles, mom, grandparents- they ALL came, but he didn't. That was one of the worst moments of my life and it should have been the best. Not many can say they scored at Mariucci. I hope he thinks of this every single day and regrets not being there because he should.

23. Someday when I get married he will NOT walk me down the aisle, let alone even be invited to the wedding. Most little girls dream of that moment. I have dreaded it for my whole life. He stole that from me. My sisters will be there, standing at the front of the church by my side, where they belong. He will be wallowing in self-pity somewhere far away, again, exactly where he deserves to be.

24. I have yet to have a deep relationship with a man because I cannot come close to trusting or believing that any man would choose to love and protect me since he never did.

25. If I had to quantify all the tears I have cried, the ones over him would exponentially outnumber the ones caused by everything else. Combined. I hope he's proud.

26. I bet he doesn't even know 26 is my lucky number. In fact, I would place money on that.

27. He has some sort of belief that he DESERVES certain things in life, such as my respect or adoration. Um, no. Those things are earned, not deserved.

28. He acts like he is holier-than-thou now that he has found "God" and that all he does is so perfect. Newsflash- God (the real one, whom I am not sure he actually knows) would NEVER agree with your actions and the way he treats people. Gimme a freaking break.

29. He doesn't have my new cell phone number because I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO HIM.

30. His random email that said "I love you" was immediately deleted. I have said it before and will say it again. Love is a VERB not a NOUN. (Since he never graduated high school, let me break that down for him...) A verb is an action word, constitutes some sort of performance. This means if he wants to try to email me some complete BS about love, its empty. He has done not a GD thing to make that the truth, JFC. And I know I have told him this exact thing before. Seems he are literally too dumb to get it. Eff it, I don't need to be your damn tutor.

30 is enough for today but there will be more to come, I assure you. We haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg.

There are so many songs that can express my feelings for his stupid behavior and how it affects me, TR, KE and KK. Here is one of the best. Believe it or not its by Lindsay Lohan. This song nails it for me. She speaks the words in my heart. If nothing else comes out of that girl in her life, I am eternally grateful for "Confessions of a Broken Heart" After watching the video (through uncontrollable tears) I am so sad for Lindsay and Ali Lohan. I KNOW how they feel and it just isn't fair. As bad as Lindsay has been lately, I wish I could just tell her "I get it..."

"Confessions of a Broken Heart" by Lindsay Lohan

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
A family in crisis that only grows older

Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart

And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
I dream of another you
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed

So why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go
Why’d you have to go!!

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart

I love you,
I love you
I love you
I....!!!!!
I love you!!

Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth...
Did you ever love me!!!?
Did you ever love me?
These are.....
The confessions...of a broken heart

Ohhh....yeah

I wait for the postman to bring me a letter..

**PLEASE PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO**

I am a Careful Daughter (along with my sisters) and my brother is a Careful Son

I want to be totally upfront about the inspiration for this blog;

1. My dad sucks. He is the Careless Man I am talking about.

2. I have the most incredible sisters in the history of this entire universe and I would do anything humanly possible to protect and love them but there is this big thorn in my side that is called "DAD" who has hurt them more than any person should, especially him since he happens to be their father.

*Sidebar... its gonna be tough to no cuss on this blog I just realized. There are so many choice words I would like to use to explain the careless man.

3. My brother is trying to be a self-sufficient adult and wants to act as though I take this situation too personally. HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT? Is there anything more personal than family? I think no. My brother deserves more than what he gets from the careless man and I pray he realizes that and doesn't feel he should just be tough and not let it affect him. Like it or not, it affects us all.

4. Taylor Swift. You didn't see that coming, did you? :) Her new song "Mine" is what gave me the inspiration for this blog. I have been thinking about it for a long time, but never got going. In her new song she describes the girl as a "Careless Man's Careful Daughter" and that line hit me like a ton of bricks. Thats me. Thats KK (baby sister) and KE (little sister). SO US. Sometimes I am absolutely blown away by how someone else can verbalize the words that are hanging on my lips. Taylor Swift did this for me with this song. Cut straight through all the BS and said what I needed to say. Thanks for the help TSwizzle. I owe ya one.

5. My puppy. Although I did not give birth to her, she is my baby. I would do absolutely anything for her, to make her happy, keep her healthy, give her the best life imaginable. And she is a dog. Not to diminish the fact that she is my BABY, my child, as far as I am concerned. She is nuzzled next to my side as I write this and I have this overwhelming feeling of love, to her and from her, that is unique to the two of us. I have no kids of my own (yet) and I can only imagine that if I am so passionate about a K-9 how amazing it would feel to have my own human baby. Look out world. Someday I know I will have that chance and its gonna be, well, amazing. This is why it is so utterly baffling to me that the Careless Man can up and leave his own children like he has. I drop my dog off to get groomed for an hour and I cry in the car on the way home because I miss her. How is it possible to have absolutely no regard for anyone other than your pathetic self? I am guessing its rather lonely, and to be frank, he deserves it.

With that said, here we go. I often forget how much this Careless Man really does eff with my life daily, whether I realize it or not, and I started bawling like a baby as I began this post. Wow. Even after all these years, the pain doesn't stop, subside, go away, or end. If anything it feels worse because I see the world more for what it is and cannot imagine the amount of selfishness required to be the worlds most Careless Man. From here on out, that is his name "Careless Man". He is Dad to no one.

Here is the Taylor Swift song I am speaking of:

"Mine " by Taylor Swift

You were in college, working part-time, waiting tables
Left a small town and never looked back
I was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin'
Wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?"
As we're lyin' on the couch
The moment, I can see it
Yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay
We got nothin' figured out
When it was hard to take
Yes, yes

This is what I thought about:

Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water?
You put your arm around me for the fist time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Oh, oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight, two-thirty AM
You said everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye, cause that's all I've ever known
Then, you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said, "I remember how we felt, sitting by the water.
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time.
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter.
She is the best thing that's ever been mine."

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Do you believe it?
We're gonna make it now
And I can see it

I can see it now

Watch the video below from cmt.com Its worth a viewing, trust me....

Mine: "Speak Now"